Category Archives: Melbourne Art

January 09

Scandals from the Art Gallery of New South Wales

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While holidaying at the beach recently, I began daydreaming. Without too much thought (and no research what so ever), a list of exposés and scandals were pieced together in my minds eye, regarding one state funded Australian art gallery. The Art Gallery of New South Wales. Scandals so salacious, you feel like you’ve been watching another Four […]

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December 22

Miss Universal

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During a Contemporary dance performance, they close the doors to the theatre behind you, and don’t let you out until they’re finished with you. This simple device enables the choreographer to make you sit through fluid, passionate tracts (long bits) of a variety of modern dance moves including: the rolling foetal; frantic bendy torso; the […]

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December 16

Andy and Ai Weiwei; NGV

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Ai Weiwei loves pussies. He has a snatch of pussies living with him at his studio complex, inspiring his creative impulses. It’s important to stand out from your peers when there are plenty of other pussies ‘round. One of Ai Weiwei’s pussies is so talented; its even learned to open a door. Competing for the […]

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December 03

Gilbert and George Disappear Women; MONA

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Gilbert and George met at art school in 1967. They were so poor and alone; they had to turn to themselves to make art. They inserted themselves into the gallery and declared themselves the art. Hence the birth of their Living Sculptures, performed for their Graduate Show. Men take up the spotlight with such ease. Gilbert […]

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November 20

Grayson Perry is an Imperialist Wanker; Art Words

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I’m in bed asleep. Suddenly, at the foot of the bed, Grayson Perry appears. ‘Oi! I’m angry with you Grayson Perry! Australia is angry with you Grayson Perry!’ I say. ‘Yes Yes. We know you’re coming to Australia soon for a major retrospective of your work at the MCA, ironically titled My Pretty Little Art […]

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November 18

We Woz Robbed: Gertrude Street is Dirty and Thirty

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At Gertrude Streets 30th birthday party and annual fundraiser on Friday night, I met Sarah Ritson. Sarah is my facebook friend. Sarah had a studio at Gerty back in ‘88, and said there were no oysters being served at fundraisers back then. When she moved into her studio, abandoned Howard Arkley paintings were stacked up […]

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November 07

Going down in History

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History repeats: online/offline (more cocks to wrestle) (Please Note- I’ve researched America because reading about Australia is depressing and we’re almost completely culturally colonised by them now too. I’m increasingly upset about being Australian.) History doesn’t write itself, men monopolize it. Men know it’s important, going down in history. But what about all the times I’ve […]

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October 29

Lurid Beauty

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Australian Surrealism and its Echoes Profound jokes are sometimes best told by those not trying to be funny. ‘The problem of woman is the most marvellous and disturbing problem in all the world’ wrote chief honcho surrealist Andre Breton in 1929, cue laugh track. A couple of self styled Aussie Andre Breton type characters graced […]

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October 18

As If: 40 years and beyond – Celebrating the Women’s Art Register

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Feminism is trending. Feminism hasn’t achieved equality for women, but it is gaining popularity. Again. People just love to talk. And whine and moan and gossip. Well, that’s women. That’s what women like doing, once we’ve finished the housework and bringing up the kids. As a political movement, feminism has been incredibly unsuccessful. If feminism […]

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October 16

Goulburn: The Tour continues…

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I once lived in a country town called Emerald in Central Queensland. I was the Home Economics teacher at Emerald High School, just down the road from Sapphire, 3 hours inland from Rockhampton, a speedy 9 hours drive down to Brisbane. When the new school teachers first turned up in town each year, the Principal hosted […]

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